37 Funniest “Wedding Crashers” Quotes for Every Occasion

Few movies capture the spirit of summer, friendship, and audacious plans quite like Wedding Crashers. John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey gave us a rulebook for life—or at least, a highly questionable rulebook for getting into high-society parties. Beyond the outrageous antics, the film is packed with sharp, witty dialogue that remains quotable today. Dive into the most iconic lines that define this beloved comedy.

The Immutable Rules of Crashing

"Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!"

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: This quote embodies the dedication John and Jeremy have to their craft, viewing crashing weddings as a high-stakes competitive sport requiring focus and persistence.

"Gotta commit to the 'bit,' John."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A core principle emphasizing that successful crashing requires complete immersion in the assumed identity, leaving no room for half-measures or hesitation.

"You know, you do a nice job of working the room."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: Highlighting the observational skills and teamwork required, acknowledging the partner's ability to seamlessly integrate into the wedding environment.

"The beauty of a wedding is that the bride is too happy, the groom is too terrified, and the guests are too drunk."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: A succinct breakdown of why weddings are the perfect environment for successful social infiltration, based on the emotional distraction of the main players.

"We're like the Marines. We crash and we conquer."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A declaration of their professional prowess, comparing their strategic infiltration to an elite military operation, underscoring their confidence.

"Seventy-five years of collective crashing experience, and you think you can tell me I'm wrong?"

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: Used to assert authority based on their extensive history and success rate, often employed during internal rule disputes.

"Lock it up. We got work to do."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A command used to refocus on the mission, reminding both crashers that their primary goal isn't just attending, but executing their carefully planned strategies.

"I've got a really bad feeling about this."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: A classic moment of foreshadowing, usually voiced right before a major rule is broken or the entire scheme begins to unravel.

"When you get into a situation, you gotta make a decision. Are you going to be a John, or a Jeremy?"

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: Distinguishing between their two primary approaches: John's smooth, charming technique versus Jeremy's more chaotic, aggressive style.

"You look like the guy who invented the wedding."

Author: Secretary Cleary

Benefit: An ironic compliment highlighting the ease and sophistication with which John and Jeremy fit into the formal wedding setting, despite being impostors.

Iconic One-Liners and Witty Banter

"Death is a beautiful thing. It's the one thing we all share. It's the one thing we're all guaranteed."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: An absurd, often inappropriate line used to bond with mourners or console guests, demonstrating Jeremy's skill at rapid-fire emotional manipulation.

"She’s a psycho! And she's a cradle robber! I'm ruined!"

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: Jeremy's dramatic outburst after Gloria becomes obsessed with him, perfectly encapsulating the unintended consequences of their actions.

"Vegas, baby. Vegas."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A celebratory phrase marking the successful execution of a plan or the realization that they are about to embark on another adventure.

"Hi, I’m Chaz, and I like to party."

Author: Chaz Reinhold

Benefit: The infamous and bizarre introduction from the legendary mentor, revealing the unhinged reality behind the crashers' rules.

"Did you just say you have a twin sister?"

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: John’s immediate focus shift upon learning about Claire's sister, showing his priorities reverting instantly to the 'game.'

"I hope that you and the handsome man have a beautiful life."

Author: Claire Cleary

Benefit: A polite dismissal demonstrating Claire's good manners, contrasting sharply with the internal conflict she feels about John.

"I've seen the other side, John, and it's terrifying."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: Used when contemplating leaving the crashing life, reflecting the existential dread and emotional exhaustion that occasionally plagues the duo.

"Please, tell me you’re not going to be like this all week."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: A response to Jeremy's overly dramatic or childish behavior, emphasizing John's role as the slightly more grounded partner.

"I love the taste of the tears of a failed marriage."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A dark, yet humorous line revealing the cynical nature of Jeremy's approach to wedding crashing, focusing on the available conquests rather than the institution itself.

"She's dead. She's been dead for two months. She died... peaceably."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A poorly executed lie used to garner sympathy, showcasing the clumsy, improvised nature of their excuses when under pressure.

The Comedy of Romance and Misunderstanding

"I'm a little busy. I'm training to be a priest."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: John's highly inappropriate and often successful lie used to gain trust and access to vulnerable women at weddings.

"I told him that I love him. And that I’m gonna kill myself if he leaves me."

Author: Gloria Cleary

Benefit: The quote that perfectly captures Gloria's intensely clingy and volatile nature, shocking Jeremy and changing the stakes of their operation.

"You wear that dress well. You have great posture."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: An example of John's smooth, yet slightly generic, opening lines designed to charm the target immediately.

"It's just, you meet someone, and then they're gone. It's like... a hit and run."

Author: Claire Cleary

Benefit: A poignant observation by Claire about the transient nature of modern relationships, which ironically applies perfectly to John’s crashing lifestyle.

"Are we having a relationship? I thought we were just friends who enjoyed physical contact."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A classic deflection attempt used to avoid commitment, revealing the fundamental resistance the crashers have to genuine emotion.

"I apologize for my brother. He's... emotionally challenged."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: John’s attempt to distance himself from Jeremy's outrageous behavior, a necessary strategy when trying to maintain credibility with a target.

"I never should have crashed your wedding. I was trying to figure out how to be happy."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: A moment of true vulnerability, revealing John's underlying search for meaning and stability beyond the temporary thrill of the crash.

"I'm having a bad week, man. I got a lot of stress in my life."

Author: Jeremy Grey

Benefit: A typically vague, self-pitying excuse used to justify reckless behavior or elicit unwarranted sympathy from female guests.

The Cleary Family's Best Lines

"You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!"

Author: Secretary Cleary

Benefit: The definitive line showcasing the intimidating, authoritative, and slightly unhinged nature of the patriarch of the Cleary family.

"Ma, the meatloaf! F*ck!"

Author: Todd Cleary

Benefit: Todd’s iconic, explosive reaction, illustrating his dramatic artistic temperament and general discomfort within his highly formal family.

"It’s just... you can’t trust anyone nowadays."

Author: Grandma Cleary

Benefit: A hilarious instance of dramatic irony, as the family matriarch comments on distrust while housing two professional con artists.

"I have to go powder my vagina."

Author: Kathleen Cleary

Benefit: A shockingly crude and unexpected line delivered by the highly inappropriate mother, highlighting the bizarre dynamics of the elite family.

"Are you an artist, too? Because you've got those sensitive eyes."

Author: Todd Cleary

Benefit: Todd's assessment of John, revealing his own eccentric nature and his quick, if inaccurate, judgment of character.

"Don't worry, she'll probably just write a really depressing poem about it."

Author: John Beckwith

Benefit: A meta-commentary on the gloomy and angst-ridden personality of Todd Cleary, used to reassure Claire after an argument.

"If the question is about who makes the money, the answer is usually 'me.'"

Author: Secretary Cleary

Benefit: A typical power statement used to assert his financial and political dominance over his family members and guests.

The genius of Wedding Crashers lies not just in the slapstick comedy, but in the sharp, unforgettable lines delivered by John, Jeremy, and the Cleary clan. Whether you need a witty comeback or just a great movie quote to brighten your day, these lines prove that sometimes, playing like a champion means knowing the right thing to say, even if you shouldn't be there at all.