Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards: Spread Holiday Cheer!

Christmas is the perfect time to share laughter and joy. What better way to spread holiday cheer than with a funny quote in your Christmas cards? Get ready to tickle some funny bones this festive season!

Classic Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards

"I haven't decorated for Christmas because I'm waiting for Pottery Barn to send me their catalog so I can copy it."

Author: Erma Bombeck

Benefit: A humorous take on holiday decorating pressures.

"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard."

Author: Andy Borowitz

Benefit: A funny observation about the commercialization of Christmas.

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."

Author: Bob Phillips

Benefit: A witty reflection on aging and the Christmas spirit.

"May your eggnog be spiked with enough cheer to get you through even the most awkward family gatherings."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A lighthearted wish for surviving holiday stress.

"Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A quirky observation about Christmas traditions.

Relatable Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."

Author: Victor Borge

Benefit: A humorous comment on the demands of socializing.

"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A funny take on the gift-giving and receiving process.

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

Author: Dennis Miller

Benefit: A cheeky and playful joke about Santa's knowledge.

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A relatable quip about holiday spending.

"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A practical and humorous holiday tip.

Sarcastic Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards

"All I want for Christmas is a silent night."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A wish for peace and quiet during the chaotic holiday season.

"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A silly joke, tangential to Christmas but good for laughs.

"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I'll drink the red."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A witty comment about holiday spirits.

"I hate when Santa gets my age wrong on his knee."

Author: Stephen Colbert

Benefit: A sarcastic take on the classic Santa visit.

"The office party is a great place to catch up on all the gossip you missed while you were at work."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A cynical observation about office Christmas parties.

Puns and Wordplay Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas, because I refuse to have a sad big one."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A playful twist on a classic Christmas song.

"Let's get elf'd up this Christmas!"

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A fun and festive pun.

"I'm all about that Bubbly... Merry Christmas!"

Author: Unknown

Benefit: An alcoholic pun for Christmas

"It's the most wine-derful time of the year!"

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A wine themed pun for festive cards.

"Ho Ho Home for the holidays!"

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A simple festive pun.

Funny Christmas Quotes about Gifts

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph."

Author: Shirley Temple

Benefit: A witty childhood memory about encountering Santa.

"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day."

Author: Andy Rooney

Benefit: A nostalgic and relatable observation about the post-gift-opening chaos.

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."

Author: Larry Wilde

Benefit: A heartwarming sentiment about the magic of Christmas through a child's eyes.

"Christmas is a time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A poignant reflection on the human desire for a fresh start.

"The best Christmas gift I ever got was a divorce."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A dark humored view on gifts.

Short and Sweet Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards

"Merry Christmas – May your joy be large, and your bills be small."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A simple wish for happiness and financial ease.

"Eat. Drink. Be Merry. Avoid relatives."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A humorous guide to surviving the holidays.

"May all your Christmases be white... but your wine be red!"

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A fun wish for a snowy holiday with good wine.

"Dear Santa, I want a fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix these up again this year."

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A humorous twist on the classic Christmas wish list.

"Merry Christmas! Let the holiday weight gain begin!"

Author: Unknown

Benefit: A playful acknowledgment of the indulgences of the season.

Incorporate these funny Christmas quotes into your cards to bring smiles and laughter to your loved ones this holiday season. Wishing you a very merry and bright Christmas!